Are batteries included and other burning issues from my visit to Taboo

It has been a few days since the 5th annual Taboo Naughty..but nice Show visited Abbotsford and with no evidence of significant smiting from on high I’m feeling safe enough to share details of my visit. If you aren’t already aware, the show “provides an upscale adult playground dedicated to enhancing lifestyles, encouraging romance, personal betterment and all things Taboo.”

My hand was inked with a scarlet stamp (might want to consider a different colour next year, just saying) and I was greeted by a young lady dressed in a costume I’m guessing was intended to be sensual, but, and I mean no disrespect to her

when I say it reminded me of the costumes dancing Chihuahuas wear at the circus. She handed me a bag, but the lighting in the hall was subdued, so I decided to check out the contents of the bag later. Kevin Blackburn, the manager of the show assured me it wasn’t actually dark but was in fact mood lighting to “create an adult atmosphere to create more of a taboo style” and that the exhibitor’s booths were well lit. I did notice as I walked around that many of the items for sale seemed to glow in the dark or light up, so that helped.

Kevin told me the show is “happy to be back in Abbotsford after almost not doing the show this year.” (oh come on, look it up.) He assured me the initial cancellation of the show was legitimate and in no way a marketing ploy to gain publicity. Apparently the promotors didn’t want to disappoint those in the community that made 100s of phone calls and emails encouraging Taboo to come back. That along with an indication from the city and Tradex that in 2013, Taboo will likely get the type of liquor license they want after-all.

I must be of the certain age and body type that signals sellers of adult products “not worth the effort” as I wasn’t approached by any exhibitor with a pitch or demonstration. Although I did have to sidestep one young lady waving a whip in the middle of the aisle.  There were deals at the show, a $199 “male chastitybelt”(guaranteed escape proof) available for the jaw dropping price of $149. There were devices

designed to vibrate areas of the body that never occurred to me were deserving of vibration. I wonder why so many of the more intimate devices are named after small cuddly animals? For the record I would like to state there are some things that really shouldn’t be made as an edible product. Actually, I just remembered I was approached by one lady exhibitor. She wanted to show me a device for taking rough skin off my feet. My last faint delusion of personal attractiveness was irretrievably lost.

The Taboo show not only offered items to stimulate or flagellate, but also provided the opportunity for piercings, body modifications and tattoos. It wasn’t only the physical needs of attendees being catered to, but the psychological ones as well. A registered psychologist was on hand to arrange to help with problems relating to sexuality, relationships or court mandated services.

Taboo offered a selection of seminars with the price of admission. Just a few of the choices were, “Talking Dirty”, “Okay, I bought this flogger, now what?” and “You want to do what to me?” Oh yes and there was also a “love hypnotist” on hand to convince people to come on stage and be hypnotized. I’m not sure how wise being hypnotized at an adult product and services show would be, but that’s just me.

Clearly some oppose the show, but Kevin Blackburn told me that for the first time since the show has been coming to Abbotsford there were no protesters to be seen. Kevin estimates around 10,000 people attend Taboo when it comes to town. Oh, and I finally did look inside the bag. It contained a selection of lubricant. I’m happy to report my driver side door no longer has that annoying squeak, but the inside of the car reeks of pomegranate. Oh well.